


she

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Other, Poetry, Stream of Consciousness, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 08:17:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12931257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: she’s self destructive, but not in the ways that count





	she

she’s self destructive, but not in the ways that count. she envies the heroin addicts, the wild girls because they made bad decisions but at least they did what they wanted, at least they can find out. enjoy themselves in some way before it’s all over. at least they made a decision, took action. the people who sleep around, who make mistakes-she thought she hated them because she fears that lack of control, but really it’s just jealousy, all jealousy. she envies even more the ones who can do these wild, scary things, and can move on, can be happy, having sated their dark desires and hatred and curiosity and come out on top

but no her self destruction is much more quiet, much more deceptive. the kind that offers no relief. from the outside no one can tell that she’s hurting, no one says “oh look at her, she’s going to ruin her life” even though she is. she’s quiet, her sadness hidden. instead of shooting heroin, don’t brush your teeth, don’t go outside, don’t see people, don’t talk, don’t try for _anything_ , good or bad. let your body and mind and potential slowly rot away until you’re ugly and diseased and worthless, a true nothing in society. control control control until you become a moldy statue who can’t even attempt to make it better, can’t move but can’t fall to pieces either, that will free you and give you relief, but it doesn’t. proper rebellion would, would unfreeze you, release emotion, but you’re stuck, getting worse every day, not moving through it. too scared. of what? you’re already hurting yourself, and in the most useless way

a model, an actress, a writer, a success, a lover, a friend, bliss itself? no

a junkie, a hellion, a slut, a conundrum, an example, a spectacle, chaos itself? no

_nothing_


End file.
